Health, Wellness & Enjoyment, Making Crafty Magic

More on Goals & Limiting Beliefs

owlsThis is a continuation of my last post on goal setting. I’d like to take this opportunity to delve further into Hunter Thompson’s idea of the decision between going with the flow by designing a life that accentuates your experiences and natural talents OR swimming against the current by re-inventing yourself in order to achieve a goal that may not reflect who you are now but instead reflects the person you’ll have to become in order to achieve that goal. (I hope this is making sense.) I can see the merits in both paths and it’s safe to say that I’ve sampled both.

Ever since grade school, I’ve focused heavily on cultivating my natural talents. I played guitar, was in various rock bands, took vocal lessons, wrote fantastic short stories and poetry and won awards for my artwork. Even before that though, I loved animals. I was born into this world with an affinity for and a kinship with animals. So in my senior year I was faced with a dilemma. Should I go to school for art, pursue a recording contract with my band or go to school for Veterinary Technology?

The veterinary work posed various exciting challenges. I was an honors student in remedial math, I wasn’t particularly scientific-minded, and blood & guts made me rather squeamish (a few months earlier I had fainted in front of my entire high school class when we took a tour of an embalming room at a local funeral home and when I toured SUNY Delhi I almost fainted when the guide began talking about analyzing blood samples). Basically, I was going to have to re-make my mind in order to succeed. Plus, it was the only career path that I deemed meaningful at the time. Thus, I enrolled at SUNY Delhi, I got over my squeamishness, and worked my butt off to be a Dean’s List scholar. I poured all my time and effort into swimming against the current, so to speak, at the expense of my creativity. My natural talents began to rust and after a while I was completely unable to write, play music or draw. I had sold my soul for a 3.9 GPA.

After college I began to realize my miscalculation. (Let me be very clear, I have no regrets about choosing that path. I would do it again in a heartbeat. It led me to my absolute best friends and for that I will always be indebted to SUNY Delhi.) It didn’t take long to realize that I had accomplished the only part of the goal that I found enticing: mastering those things that I completely sucked at such as math, playing with blood & guts, enjoying science, etc… When it came time to get a job, the only challenge there was for me was not accidentally killing something during my shift. And the meaning that I desired in my career was sadly lacking. Sure, I was helping some but not in the numbers I’d hoped. It all felt like a big, hollow letdown. And for many years I continued on this detrimental spiral of trying to find meaning in challenging myself to excel at the things I completely sucked at.

Flash forward to nearly twenty years later (I can’t believe it’s been that long!), I still can’t pick up my guitar, I write this here blog but not to the level that I once could, and I have only just started to draw again. But let me tell you, revisiting my creative roots by making all of the things I do and devoting my time and effort to it has helped me to find meaning and it honestly doesn’t feel like work. I am not battling against a constant current and I’m not trying to be good at things that I’m frankly just not good at. I wish I had realized this several college degrees ago because it could have saved me a lot of time, energy, stress and money.Octopi & sea turtle

Now that I’m starting to appreciate the benefits of swimming with the current instead of against it, I want to address some of my limiting beliefs that have made my swim more choppy. I know now that my creative block during and after college stemmed from the belief that one side of your brain is always less developed than the other–the whole right brain, left brain concept. To me this meant that if I devote my time to building up that analytical, scientific side of my brain than my creative side must be sacrificed. As you can tell, I no longer feel this way. You can balance both efficiently by partnering with those who are good at the things you aren’t and just accept the fact that you can’t be a rock star at everything.

Another example is with drawing. I’ve been trying to draw for years and have walked away from all projects feeling completely and utterly defeated. As soon as I’d put the pen to paper my own judgemental monkey mind and internal chatter would overwhelm me. Some of the chatter was about not being as good as someone else which is ridiculous when it comes to art because it’s a subjective experience and therein lies it’s beauty. Some of it is asking if “wasting” my time on something like art is actually contributing to any greater good? Some of it is about goals again and my self-imposed limitations, the biggest one being that I could never make a living this way so why bother? Then a few days ago something changed. I was hired by my friend to make some jewelry for her store. Proof right there that I can make money doing something artistic.

For years, I’ve loathed making jewelry because I’ve never felt like it’s an individual expression of who I am. I would cringe whenever parents looked at my jewelry and said to their kids that they could go home and make the same thing. It made me feel embarrassed and ashamed because I knew I could do better. For the longest time I’ve tried to phase it out but in all honesty, it’s my best seller at craft shows so I can’t rightfully kill the cash cow. My vision was always to make jewelry that expressed my love for animals and art. I’ve been wanting to move in this direction for years but couldn’t get past my own judgements long enough to actually finish a single thing. (Okay, that’s not true, I’ve finished one drawing in the past 20 years and that is the Hazardous Materials skull graphic, which I love).

However, with the deadline approaching for the OC Local Mojo store, I knew I had to bite the bullet and either stay the rather unfulfilling course or tap into those talents that I gave up on so long ago. Last week, I purchased some Sharpie markers, grabbed a few sheets of printer paper and the dam immediately broke. No monkey mind. No peep of mental chatter to speak of. I just dove in and made up my mind to go with the flow by fully honoring my gifts. The drawings have been coming easily and effortlessly ever since and I can’t wait to incorporate them into my jewelry…

After having only completed one drawing in the past 20 years, I’d say these aren’t so bad. In fact, I really love them! Mistakes and all! And it’s absolutely strange because I was always a very precise technical drawer who specialized in extremely tight line-work and was never able to let loose despite my best efforts. Needless to say, I have no idea where this scribble style has come from. Perhaps it can best be explained by this TED talk. I can’t wait to see what some time away has done to my song writing!

So maybe this rant seems rather incoherent. I guess this is my way of saying that swimming against the current and drifting with it both can lead to great places but swimming against the current too far, too long will only leave you spent. I only recommend it in small, exciting bursts.

Health, Wellness & Enjoyment

Goal Setting

Petunia the pit bull.It’s no surprise to those nearest and dearest to me that I’m a huge Hunter Thompson fan. I have no clue as to what prompted me to start reading his work about fifteen years ago but when I did I instantly recognized a kindred spirit. His words were enormously visual, vicious, creative and calculated. He was a dreamer who was disappointed in the world yet too hopelessly romantic to completely give up on it; he had a strong sense of justice and actively sought any opportunity to fight for it; he was sometimes prone to childish tantrums and had a difficult time differentiating between the outlandish figure the public and media expected him to be and the thoughtful man he really was; he possessed a gritty exterior but at his core he was extremely vulnerable. It absolutely irks me when, because of the popularity of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, people write him off as being a talentless writer of drug novels. Obviously, he was sooooo much more to me, but to each his/her own I guess. And although we lost him back in 2005, his writing is still being discovered and shared and for that I am extremely grateful.

This is the moment in my tedious rant where I redirect you to another site and then ask you to return back here for further discussion. No dilly dallying, please! Click here to read Maria Popova’s analysis of a recently discovered and published letter from a 20-year-old Hunter on how to live a meaningful life and find your purpose. I will wait, no worries.

…, dee, doo, dee, doo…lah, lah….

Okay, for those who lacked the patience to read the letter, it was basically about our faulty beliefs around goal setting. We are ever evolving beings and are constantly being shaped by our experiences and surroundings. Correct? So why do we do everything in our power to mold ourselves and our lives around extremely specific, finite goals and make ourselves feel like failures when we don’t measure up?¬† Shouldn’t the goal reflect who we are instead of the other way around? The letter speaks to honoring our talents and experiences shaping us and going with that flow instead of struggling to swim against the current of our lives and who we really are as individuals. It’s about using our unique knowledge and talents instead of forsaking them to do something that we have to break and re-mold ourselves to do. I’ve done this, I’m sure we all have, and it doesn’t always feel so great. Personally, I’ve done it a lot when it comes to my career (or lack-thereof).

Enter Danielle¬†LaPorte from stage right… To go a step further and put this new thinking into practice, Danielle offers a simple shift in the way we view goal setting which is based on how you want to feel, not what specific goal you want to reach. (In case my video embed doesn’t work, here is a link to her video and in the video description you will find her four tips for discovering your core desired feelings.) She suggests thinking about your life in three aspects: body & wellness, relationships & society, and lifestyle & livelihood and then riff on how you want to feel in each of the three categories. Distill your list down to a few core desired feelings that you resonate with the most. Then every day, week, month and year focus on what things you can do to feel that way. My desired feelings took me about one second to come up with: healthy, secure, valuable, love and abundant. Now I just have to ask myself what can I do each day to feel all of these things. It’s a simple shift in thinking but it’s incredibly important because it feeds and honors our heart & soul in the form of our emotional well-being which in turn reflects our physical well-being.

An unfortunate example of goal setting gone awry that I see often is when people base their lives on earning that degree, finding that perfect job, getting married and having kids. Once they hit these milestones they tend to also hit a wall and although they may feel great satisfaction in their lives, they also feel like something is missing. More than likely, they’re missing the drive that propels them forward to the next hurdle or that feeling of having individual purpose that striving for the next tangible goal in life provides. So that simple shift in focusing on how you want to feel could be extremely helpful because there is no specific end game and there’s potential for daily achievement.

I certainly hope you found these two resources inspiring. I happened upon Danielle’s interview this morning and it conveyed Hunter’s sentiment so perfectly that I had to share the love!